Many of us were sad to see Professor Beryl go after spending the last term in Beauxbatons. Wherever she is, I hope she is faring well, inspiring more students, and living her best life. This, however, left the spot for Herbology professor empty, and you should've seen my face when I saw Mr. Gurgustius Rainwater—he prefers Gus, I'm almost sure—at the staff table during the welcoming feast. Did you know he used to be a tutor at the Stemp House? Fun facts! That's how I already know him! Under his mentorship, we learned PLANTy (pun intended) of things about magical and mundane flora this term, such as using Venenum Hortus to detect poisonous plants and applying aloe vera to one's hair care routine. Anyway, I was able to catch up with Professor Rainwater during one of his breaks. I had a TREEmendous THYME interviewing him for this term's yearbook! Also because of him, I think I identify as a sweaty palm now. No, I don't have sweaty palms. That's definitely not what I meant. You'll have to read on to know what I mean.
Hi, Professor Rainwater! Thank you for agreeing to this interview for the yearbook. I already know you, sir, which is exciting! But, for the sake of everyone else, please tell us a bit about yourself. Ah, Drewett! Yes, we go - as you kids would say, waaaay back! I can't quite believe it's been this many years. Can you? About me? OH, where to start... So I'm a dad of three and I love the theatre! Did you know I went to WADA? I have THREE undergraduate degrees and two postgraduate ones. And the funniest thing about me is that I'm ACTUALLY SEVERELY allergic to pollen - not like hayfever or the sniffles, but if I don't take my medication then I'm a balloon! And latex, but pollen is the funniest bit. Who would have thought? A Herbology Professor allergic to pollen. HAH.
That's impressive, sir! Your multiple degrees, not the pollen and latex allergies. That's a big yike. How did you find your first term as a Hogwarts professor? What are some memorable events that you'll likely never forget? LOVED IT!! Coming here was the first time I'd ever got to see the castle, so spending an entire year in it was amazing. It's very different to Beauxbatons - that's where I went to school when I was your age. But it's great here. They don't lie about how much tea is available in this place. WOW. I've got a new thing for green tea.
I'll never forget the first feast. There's something about it. I bet you remember your first time.
Do you have a favourite plant? If yes, what is it and why? DREWETT GUNTER I DO NOT HAVE A FAVOURITE CHILD !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Would you ask your parents that question? I could NEVER!!!
I'M SORRY! I...uh...how much do you love your hair, sir? The limit does not exist.
This is the last question, professor, I promise. What is your plant pun or joke for the day? Mine is "aloe aloe baby, you called, I can't hear a thing." They're an old song's lyrics. I won't sing it though, sorry. Oh, go on, Mr Gunter. Give us a sing song! I'll join in!!! I got a good one for you! What do you call a nervous tree?
A SWEATY PALM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
History of magic
For those of you that are too much weak sauce to take History of Magic with the fabulous Professeure Gabriela Recard, pull up those house-striped socks and get yourself down to the first floor classroom. It isn’t like you have to be good at magic or reading weird squiggles (trust this intrepid reporter who is bad at both) - you just have to be willing to read the homework, talk in class, and NEVER EVER insult France. Even though the whole country is terrible.
In History of Magic this term, La Belle Professeure picked some famous wizards (why always wizards and never witches? PATRIARCHY) for the class to study and discuss. On one memorable occasion, the class carried on a lively discussion about Nicholas Flamel and the Philosopher’s Stone. WHY did the old dude create the stone? WHY did he agree to let it be destroyed? The discussion got HEATED but mostly because there’s a lot of know-it-alls at this school who don’t really understand how discussion works.
In spite of the fact that some Ravenclaw cosplayer (ok, it was the lady herself whatever) showed up and took SEVENTY FIVE points from Gryffindor (PATRIARCHY?), the students settled into creating their own chocolate frog cards. In Memoriam, old dude, and as close to fame as most of these dorks are going to get.
At another memorable class, students discovered a smattering of Genuine Vintage Junk (™) on the desks when they entered the classroom. Lucky there are some smarties in this class, because it took no time at all to guess the subject of the lesson - NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM. Also, La Belle wouldn’t let us try on the Sorting Hat (it was fake so whatever). Longbottom was pretty famous back in the day, so luckily the class already knew plenty about him to share, and this reporter learned there are some real Longbottom conspiracy theorists at this school. Seems like La Belle is also a conspiracy theorist who is working on an AU novella where Neville Longbottom is the Chosen One, and she had the students do the brainstorming for her. There were no creepy cosplayer interruptions this class, just a lot of crazy theories, but expect to see La Belle’s book hitting the shelves in December.
muggle studies
Oh baby! That's probably the best two words that can be used to describe Muggle Studies as a whole during this term. Professor Finneas Schmoe returned to Hogwarts for his second term - even though it was his first actually residing in the castle. Always trying to crack jokes and get his students to smile, his positive attitude and enthusiasm for his subject always made for interesting lessons. One memorable lesson involved learning about Muggle Healers - or "doctors" as they're called, and what goes in to Muggle hospitals compared to wizarding institutions of the same name.
The big project that had everyone talking, however, was without a doubt the baby project introduced shortly after that lesson - that's right, Hogwarts students were PARENTS now, in charge of their own magically charmed baby doll! Thanks to magic, the dolls were about as close to the real thing as you could get. The lesson everyone took from the assignment was obviously that parenting is not nearly as easy as you think it is!
I was able to ask Professor Schmoe a few questions, including what his inspiration for the assignment was! What inspired you to do the long term assignment involving charmed baby dolls this term? I was taking a shower, in the morning (I am a morning shower-er), and I reached for my bottle of shampoo (I use baby shampoo because it doesn’t sting as much when it gets all in the eyes) and then it hit. Literally. Slipped straight out of my hands and smashed my pinky toe. I never looked back.
Oh. Well, that's...quite a leap in thinking but I'm glad you're ok and didn't do too much damage to your foot! What was it like being back at Hogwarts after last term at Beauxbatons? It was very, very nice to be back at my alma mater. Beauxbatons was, errrr, very exquisite but the Headmistress was… Heh. And errrrr… Having more space for my stuff and things helps keep my noggin organized.
What was your first thought when you heard the Founders were running around the school? “Zoinks!”
My second thought was that it would be an excellent research opportunity, though errr, there wasn’t much time for that as they began to wreak havoc around the castle.
Zoinks...interesting reactions! If the founders HADN'T been trying to like...take over the school, who was the most exciting to see in the flesh? Helga Hufflepuff was an eerrrrrr experience. I was sorted into her house back in the day, you know? She also brought me a meat platter.
You're a veteran professor now - what is your advice for any new incoming professors? Oh, me? I’m, errrrr, probably not the person to seek advice from. You might want to stop by the Greenhouses and ask Gus about this one. He’s a natural with the kids. He he he. Ha. AnYwAyS. From Hogwarts founders walking around the school to screaming baby dolls in the middle of class, Professor Schmoe and the rest of us had a term we'll never forget. Thanks Professor - we all can't wait to see what wacky things you come up with next!
potions
Potions is almost always an interesting class that keeps students interested with hands-on activities. One cold December morning, the students got to class and donned their goggles and lab coats, eager for another riveting class from Professor Noble. Or should we say.... Ribbiting? After getting some questions and discussion of harvesting out of the way, some students were appalled and some students were excited to find out that they would be doing some harvesting of their own. Dead frogs were presented and prepared to be dissected.
By the way, if you haven’t ever smelled the guts of a dead frog... well, there is nothing like it. After the instruction was given (and after Nina Castillo lost Slytherin five points for whining), knives went to the frogs and frog guts were harvested. Thankfully none of the vegans protested, though one Chloe McCarthy was too fragile to do the dissecting and opted for a written report instead. Didn’t she know that the dissection would have been much faster?
Now, not every lesson can be as exciting as harvesting dead things, so we return to potion making lessons once again. Appropriate for all the angst and drama at Hogwarts, Noble taught everyone how to make a soothing solution later in the term, which surprisingly includes flobberworm mucus. Who would have thought it could be calming? You know what’s not calming, though? Actually making a potion - precise measurements, the number of times you stir the cauldron, making sure it doesn’t overheat. Ironic, isn’t it?
transfiguration
Coming in fresh this year was Carwyn Eris, our brand new, silver fox Transfiguration professor. One of his most notable classes was the one just before Halloween. Now, everybody loves Halloween right? You get to dress up, run around, drink a lot of pumpkin juice and gorge on candy. So, students were pretty excited about this lesson when the class started with talk of Halloween costumes. Some students make their own, some are store bought, but ALL are awesome. In this seminar, students were taught how to transfigure regular clothing into a costume and paper plates into shoes! It certainly prepared everyone for the Halloween party hosted by Eris himself that followed.
Later on, in conjunction with the never-ending fake baby assignment in Muggle Studies, the students arrived to class with their babies for a fun activity to keep their fake babies warm. Baby hats! The main activity (for those who stuck around) was to transfigure hats for babies. The students were able to fit them to their own fake babies and the rest of them were donated to the newborns at St. Mungo’s. There’s nothing more satisfying than learning something and using it for a good cause.